Adventures of Love in Manila
Sept.2, 2011 11:21 P.M.
Today is the first day I’ve felt OK. After over a month of being tortured by the pain of losing…let’s call him Manuel, I was smiling and feeling myself again. (Who is Manuel you ask? He is the love of my life who I can’t just write a blog about…I am working on a novel-slash-something-never-been-done-before to do justice to that story).
I’m starting to get back to friends and family more. I’m starting to get more zest for life. I’m starting to get more focused on my store (capitalGshop.com). And, I have an earnest want to be a better singer now.
Last night I had great conversations with different types of people on FB: from my cousin to good friends to acquaintances. This morning I even got to talk to my sister on Yahoo. And Today we also had the first GIVE Open Mic at Capital G and everyone there from the Tagalog rappers to the MC Veterans to Pastor Jesse to the spectators were just awesome energy.
They all have been giving me back life whether they know it or not and I’m deeply grateful.
I’m also accepting that even if Manuel and I are meant to be, now is just not the right time. I really gotta take care of my business and make it successful beyond doubt. We are in the red by…a lot…on the first month and though losses are normal for a new store, I do not take this lightly. And though I have many partners, I am the President and they, along with our staff, are just following my lead.
So my drive is coming back. I knew this day would come. It was just so hard to realize when I was hurting and crying sleepless almost every night. I just don’t know if I’ll let Manuel easily in again if he ever comes back around. But nevertheless, I no longer want to crazy text or miss call him. I no longer feel like I will die without him. I still love him, yet from afar now…not just physically by distance, but emotionally in my heart. Whether this is a good thing or not for the future, it is definitely good for me right now.
October 5, 2011
So now I am even stronger. My will for life is more apparent and the other day, my FB status was:
Back to music…back to insanity…back to being thankful for every breath. Feeling right again :)
And this positive energy has a lot to do with last Saturday night when I may have met the finest guy I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and him giving me back the same vibe. I went out with really great friends to Palladium and amongst the group of the main promoters, was the finest man I have ever laid eyes on. (Did I say fine already? I gotta repeat it again…FOINE!: 6’1”, Athletic, big lips, sculptured face, almond shaped eyes, with just slightly crooked, but somehow still attractive teeth, and muscles!!! for dayssssss.)
I first thought he was Latino with a ponytail (turns out he’s just a potent mix of Filipino and American). Right away you can tell he was some kind of model and when my girl told me, “Oooh he was checking you out Sisi,“ I knew it was on.
We danced the dirty for like two hours in our own little world of House music, sweat, smoke, muscle, and touch. Gaaa-Dayumn, he’s sexy.
Let me get into it more. I don’t know how we started to dance. I felt his presence around me for a short while. My friends kept whispering in my ear, “He’s so your type, etc.” A few times he left our area and the last time he did, he came back with his hair down.
Oh no, he got even finer.
I’m thinkin, “Geez. Where is the limit with this guy?” Thank goodness I had on a great push-up bra and some killer heels to match-up with his awesomeness. So anyway, after many Jose Cuervo shots (the cute yet unruly DJ practically shoved it down our throats), he finally got around to being next to me…our upper arm skin touching. And somehow it started.
Two smiles. A closer touch. A few exchanged phrases of where we’re from, etc. (At this point, who cares really?) Both dazed from the intoxication of the alcohol and the thumping music. And there we started. Even closer. My hands on his waist. His big hands on my back. “Holy moly, I’m really dancing with this fine ass man!!!” I’m completely ecstatic, yet trying to keep my cool and composure on as we started to grind even closer and closer.
I turn around. And somehow our groove is just right. His hands on my waist now feeling up my stomach too. “Keep them tight girl…you were blessed with a nice stomach…if nothing else!” Haha…I say to myself. My hands on his thighs. Dayum they’re hard. Like freekin’ logs. I turn around again. This time feeling up his arms. Everything about him is just pure muscle. I’ve won the Lottery tonight!
I stroke his just-shampooed-hair, he strokes my shoulder. I rub his back, he rubs my tummy. I unbutton his shirt, he grabs my cute little behind, hehe. And dance dance daynce we do! In the dirtiest way we know how without taking off our clothes. It’s the kind of event you can replay over and over in your head without ever getting tired of it.
And somehow fear comes over me. My breath reeks from the alcohol, I have a canker sore on my tongue, and my lips are sunburned from a shoot on my building’s helipad two weeks ago (thus disabling my highly-rated kissing skills).
All of our friends have also gone. And I am back in reality that I am scared to death of this amazingly hot guy.
Fortunately and unfortunately, we met up with my friends after and for some reason when we dropped him off at home, he never asked for my number. I still found him on FB three days later and he’s even more of a god in his pictures. He eventually texts me after I leave him a couple of silly notes. And though I may never build anything real with the guy, he gave me a bigger boost in my confidence than any man who has come into my life in the last few years.
Maybe because he is finer than any man I know. Maybe he just came at a time when I felt so rejected and lost without what’s-his-name. Maybe because dancing with him yet not sleeping him gave me a feeling of empowerment. Maybe it is all of the above.
Sigh…that night is still making me smile. I know I shouldn’t let a man be a big cause to feeling good. But I ain’t gonna lie, I’m an artist AND a woman. I need a muse every now and then!
He was once a sniper in the Marines. Pretty fitting because he is my Heartache Sniper.
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